You’re me. You’re bummed because you can’t drive your new Outback.

You’re Chase Utley. You’re a genuine baller… and you might be finished

You’re Kentucky basketball. You’ve got Ashley Judd… and you look unstoppable.

You’re Bensalem Country Club. You’re packed… and you’re a tough little course.

You’re not a resident of Yardley. You pay too much for a round at Makefield Highlands.

You’re Darin Lovett. You broke into your own truck with a 9 Iron and a curb marker.

You’re Who’s Next. You’re the greatest album ever.

You’re Don Simon. You’re really, really starting to miss it.

You’re CBS Sports. You’re broadcasting The Masters in two weeks… and you’re loving what’s happening this Sunday at Arnie’s Place.

You’re Ernie Els. You’re upset with Ernie Els.

You’re Mike Louella. You could start a tradition by having the first group off at Bensalem be the same group that was last off at Makefield in October.

You’re Christina Aguilera’s breasts. You’re in need of a sweater.

You’re Ilya Bryzgalov. You’re one funny interview.

You’re my left foot. You’re an asshole.

You’re a rubber core golf ball. Are you soon obsolete?

You’re “your”. You’re the way most people would spell it.

Word is Scotty shot a 98 the other day. He was caught cardreading, as usual (some guys never learn). I’ll see you on the box Sunday, Spritel. Be thinking Raven’s Claw.

Lovett says hello to you all. Well, he didn’t really, but he would.

From the front seat, buzzing: “Yimmy doesn’t recognize.” It pertains to him boasting about being club VP… at least, that’s what I remember.

Quick shout out to new guy Noah (forget his last name, but let’s just cut to the chase and call him Webster) for actually picking up the phone. Too bad I wasn’t one of the guys playing…

Man, some guys get all dickish about being left on a distribution list, don’t they?

If you get an email from a Dodge Mopar, don’t be alarmed. It’s just some dude bitching about shit you don’t care about.

Bennett’s a creeper. Had to throw that in there.

H League note: rumor is, odds have formed that say The Wait will bail on the AC Trip. The reason, as always, is pussy. Line is holding at 1.5:1 in favor of him going, but could trend south if anybody reads this post.

I’ll end with a meeting thought: it’s not the number of members that kill a group, it’s the number of members who don’t get it. Oh, and the motion to name the esteemed trophy The Simon is coming.

I want to play for The Simon.

Pars and birdies,
BMc

Bennett joined me for a round at Wilkes Barre Muni. First time there for either of us and it was so cold, we had periods of sleet and snow. Then it rained… for nine holes. In all, though, we discovered a gem of a course sitting on top of East Mountain. Can’t wait to tear it up again when the weather’s more inviting.

29 names on KVB’s email about the February meeting. One of them is Don, so the actual is 28. And this is 4 months before we hit our first official tee shot. Ken’s said he’ll work up an agenda by the 12th… one suspects league growth might be at the top.

Encourage all members to take pictures and video and email to me. This site could use a media center.

Yes, it’s true: Lovett and I exchanged Christmas gifts this year. I can’t believe there are people who will actually want to talk about that.

Playing for the Five Points title… it’s pretty damned cool. For me, it was something I thought about at least once a week for 10 months, my one and only New Year’s resolution (and probably the only one I’ve ever managed to keep). If we’re being honest, there was a Part B to that commitment… but we are older now, and wiser, and we don’t take things for granted. So to be standing there, sharing one last handshake before tossing the tee to determine order, to loosen up one final time before address, the here-it-is moment… well, that’s what it’s all about.

Terry came out of the gates ready to take it. Both Bill and Scotty were up to the challenge early. I couldn’t find my sea legs. Pars weren’t coming easily but they came at the right time for the other guys… it was a 3-horse race until the 8th, when the leader hit the inevitable rough patch and allowed a few chinks in the armor. He’d confess he was still waiting to catch his first full breath of the day; he cost himself some strokes and everybody was back in the game. At the turn, the net scores had Scott and Terry even at 35, with Bill and I 4 strokes back.

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August 25 email exchange:
Me – “I’ll skip Hickory Valley and meet you on the box at Makefield carrying a 16.”
Terry – “A 5 stroke cushion on the day of the finals sounds good to me.”

July 21 email exchange:
Me – “What do you call them… ?”
Terry – “I call them ‘good’ and ‘enough’”.

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That last email reads like smack talk of two guys confident they were going to be winning their respective flights, does it not? I’ve been teeing it up with Five Points since April 2003 and our membership has never been this strong. The level of commitment to our little club I would consider to have reached exemplary level– we’re fielding 4 flights of 6 members and next year looks even larger. Used to be, you had 3 other guys in your flight and almost each outing somebody didn’t show… guaranteed one point. Those days, gentlemen, are long gone. We could have 30 members in 2012! To win your flight, you have to score your best golf on every other Sunday. Those rounds with your buddies during the week are fun and sometimes competitive, but nothing compares to where you stand on the leaderboard at Five Points Golf Club. I see the number of hits to the page on the website… I know guys are sometimes just staring at that spreadsheet, deciphering numbers. The two guys who were talking smack that day in July, who at that point were already making a statement about who would be representing in the finals, are two guys who averaged over 2 points every time they played. And it’s why the final round became a two-horse race after the 12th hole, when Scott went OB before eventually draining his putt for a season-ending double par.

By that point, Terry had made pars on 10, 11 and 12 to lead by 4. He made it 4 in a row on the 13th, but I kept pace and both Scott and I gained a stroke when we birdied the hole. I looked at Terry after my putt dropped and said, “That’s the only way anybody’s going to catch you—you’re not giving them back.” On the 192-yard par-3 14th, I almost got rich; Terry pulled a drive that landed just in play and would manage a double bogey, while I very nearly chipped in from the hillside for a bird and a 3-point swing. When I missed the 3-foot comeback, I knew I had blown an opportunity to take charge. Instead, it was only a one-stroke gain that pulled the match to within two with 4 to play.

I probably played 8-9 rounds of golf at Makefield Highlands this year (did I mention I wanted to win this thing?). One of the holes that I always remember is the par-4 15th, because you have to place your tee shot inside the 150 cane or risk a long approach over a very protective small pond. Scott learned that when he came up just short with his second from 190 yards. I hit my soft draw to perfection while Terry pulled out a rare cut shot that clipped a tree yet still gave him a nice 120 yards in… he then landed his second safely in the middle and 40 feet away while I caught the shot a little fat and just got over, leaving myself a 25’ putt for birdie.

After Terry’s two-putt for par, and with a little encouragement from my cart-mate, I rolled the ball up the 8 yards of bent grass and into the side pocket for another gainer. Down by 1. On the par-5 16th, of the combined 10 strokes we took to both make par, the worst was Terry’s slightly-errant tee shot which landed just outside the fairway bunker. He striped a wood from there to within 8 yards of the green while I knocked my 3rd to within 7 feet of the cup, setting up a potentially match-tying putt. Instead, I left it on the high side, Terry made his two-putt and it was still a one-stroke difference going to the par-3 17th.

I had honor and chose 9I to attack the flag in front. As I’ve done all season, I pulled the short iron a little left, in the rough, pin high. Terry flubbed his tee shot, skulled his second and was on in three. I found myself with a thin lie but somehow managed to get the club on a shot that landed 10 inches from the hole. My par meant the match was all even as we headed to the 18th tee box.

The 18th provided the necessary drama, but it’s doubtful either Terry or I will want to ever talk much about our performance on the last. The two leaders traded turns playing peek-a-boo and in the end the only shot that mattered was Terry rolling in the 3-footer for bogey that earned him the title of 2011 Champion. The guy came to the course confident and ready to play, withstood his nerves and a few mistakes, the charge by a challenger who played even par for 8 holes on the back nine and from a wet and long golf course… and made the shots when he had to. You wait all year just to get here… standing at the last, watching the final putt of the season roll in, the chill of October around you… and after you shake hands, dole out congratulations and gratitude, you’re left with just one thought:

Sunday – October 7, 2012

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The Yips

It’s not a 5PGC rule, it’s a guy rule: you don’t get to choose your own nickname… Yimmy.
Speaking of, I hope Ken found where it said “Brian McShit”
Speaking of, has everybody learned why he’s called Dave “The Wait” Feder?
Speaking of, here’s Terry from an email in August: “The 41 I shot on the back felt pretty good. After Dave almost killed us on the cart I think I had a different perspective on life and golf.”
Speaking of, Terry shot a 41 on the back nine yesterday. It probably felt pretty good, too.
Final net scores for the final grouping (par=72):

Bill Nigh – 52/58 = 84
Scott Pitel – 46/51 = 76
Brian McMahon – 45/38 = 67
Terry McLaughlin – 45/41 = 66

• Text message from Chris Bennett: “omw back” I don’t know what it means either, but it definitely does not mean “out back.”
• 36 – the total number of consecutive holes Lovett and I have played in the rain together at MH in the past 3 weeks.
• “Are there any groups ahead of you?” – Asked by a golfer who, along with his girlfriend, had caught up and joined the twosome behind us.
• “The first group’s about 38 minutes behind pace.” – Statement from the Ranger to Scott on #12 (after Scotty had just taken his drive OB).
• “At this rate, I’m going to have to shoot 36 on the back to beat him.” – Me, to Scott after Terry parred his third straight on the back nine.
• “We’re staying here until this tab is empty!” – The devil inside KVB’s head at 4:30 Sunday afternoon.
• To Other Pete: I knew you were right about Cheevers, but I thought Gilbert had stitches too. Turns out, they were stars.
• Is it too early to be talking two separate divisions — North & South?
• “If I had known that much was on the line, I would have changed my strategy. On the first hole, stand behind someone and whap him in the balls with my three iron in the middle of his backswing.” – Bill Nigh, email on 10/3.

Thanks for another great year, gentlemen. Enjoy the off-season and the holidays… see you in February!